“What if that change you are avoiding is the one that gives you wings?”
If we want to become better people, we first need to own up to what needs to change. Ownership comes before change. But most people do not like to look inside, see that darkness, and address it.
Why Ownership Is So Hard
Looking at our own darkness makes us vulnerable. It is scary, and it hurts. If you want to understand why vulnerability is worth it, Brené Brown’s TED talk on the power of vulnerability is a great listen.
This is why people are put into our lives to reflect it back to us and make us address it. We have to expose what is keeping us down and own up to it. Once it is exposed and you see it for what it is, you can finally deal with it. I write more about this in exposing your darkness and you can not escape your darkness.
Blame Keeps You Stuck
Blaming others for everything is never the way to change yourself for the better. Own your bullshit! There is always something we can do better and change.
As the saying often attributed to Mark Twain goes: “If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got.”
If you want something to change, always look at yourself first, not others. Blame hands your power to someone else. Ownership takes it back.
What We Hide Has Power
When something is kept in the dark and secret, you subconsciously give it power. To take away the negative power it has over you, you have to bring it into the light and own it. Learn more about how this works in my post on the subconscious mind.
What Ownership Looks Like in Real Life
- Saying “I was wrong” instead of explaining why it was not your fault.
- Apologizing without adding “but.”
- Noticing a pattern that keeps showing up in your relationships and asking what your part in it is.
- Taking responsibility for your health, your finances and your happiness instead of waiting for someone else to fix them.
- Letting go of the story that you are a victim of your circumstances.
None of this means beating yourself up. Ownership is not shame. It is simply being honest so you can grow.
4 Ownership Questions to Help You Grow
No matter your age, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- In what ways do I need to grow or change? Be honest. Write down whatever comes up, even if it stings.
- What would the people closest to me say? If you need help with this, take a bite of humble pie and ask them. Then really listen, without defending yourself.
- Who triggers me, and why? Notice which people bring up a negative emotion or reaction in you. In most cases, these people are a mirror of something you think negatively about yourself.
- What is one thing I can own today? Pick one small thing and take responsibility for it. Apologize, change a habit, or simply admit it to yourself.
Ownership Comes Before Change
You can not change what you will not own. The moment you stop pointing fingers and say, “This is mine,” you get your power back, and real change becomes possible. It will not always feel good in the moment, but it is the doorway to growth, healing and freedom.
When you find yourself frustrated with someone, it can help to read my post on toxic relationships and first check whether any of those traits might be showing up in you. Awareness is always the first step.
So go ahead. Look inside, be brave, and own it. That change you have been avoiding just might be the one that gives you wings.
