The lessons in this book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz will change your life. It lays four things out very clearly and the “light bulb” 
will go on with how much you do these things in your life. These four things are called the four agreements. When you are not in agreement with these four things, your life will be WAY more difficult than it needs to be! Until you are aware you will not realize how often you do these things, and even after you read it you will continue to catch yourself.
Here Are the Four Agreements
- Have an impeccable word. This is having integrity in the words you speak in your life. Do not lie and twist things, be transparent and honest in all of your dealings. We change and learn and grow, but this means you do not try and deceive people. Say only what you mean, do not gossip or speak negativity, speak life and love in your life. When you give your word, you keep it. That is what a responsible and trustworthy person does. And we all want those people in our lives.
- Take no offense. Wow. This one is so huge for me. I think the people around me get so
bored of all of this talk about offense I do. I learned this lesson before I found this book because I saw how much stress taking offense caused in the lives of the people around me, and in my own life. I believe that when someone is easily offended, they often have a dark spirit or familiar spirit with them that whispers to their soul “that person does not like me”, “they do not respect me” “they did not invite me because they do not want me around”. These thoughts that come from these spirits are in the first person and that is how you recognize them. People take things very personally, and this is the spirit of offense. The other big lesson that took me a while to learn that goes with this one is: What others say, do and feel, is their own and not my responsibility. One of my favorite quotes is:
- Do not assume. This one causes SO MANY problems! This one is on the top of my list with take no offense. Want a more stress-free life? Stop assuming. I do not think we realize how. much. we. do. this. I see this in my kids as they grow and I try and address it when it comes up. You assume something, and then take action, see hurt, sad, angry and then you find out more information and realize it was all for nothing. To remedy this ask more questions, and more questions. If you hear information go verify it. Not assuming takes patience and conversations.
- Always do your best. And your best is going to change from moment to moment. Knowing and living by always doing your best you avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret. If you tend to go here a lot, ask yourself “did I do my best?” and if you answer yes then let it go. The outcomes might not always be what we want them to be, but we need to learn acceptance. Research by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck found that kids who were praised for working hard kept trying and did better, while kids praised for being smart gave up more easily. You can read about it here. So instead of telling your kids they are smart, teach them to try hard and do their best.
The Four Agreements Help Us Stop Needless Suffering
There is a lot of needless suffering we ourselves cause in our lives
A lot of simple lessons learned in here for a more stress-free life. I think we all could use some of each of these. All of these have changed my life, I know of several marriages that wished they had learned these sooner in their life. Pass it on and help a friend!
In the book, Don Miguel Ruiz calls them: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. Simple, but life changing. If you want to keep growing, read my posts on letting go of expectations and shifting into inner peace.
