To create lasting change there are a couple of thoughts that come to mind. This subject has come up several different times in the last couple of weeks and I am realizing how important it is. There are a couple of different sides to this: creating change in others and creating change in ourselves. We all know that beating someone or something into submission is not a way to create lasting change. If a person is not allowed to gain understanding and allowed the right to choose to improve then the change will not last.
I have realized that there is a “ground zero” to create lasting change. You have to start here at this “ground zero” to create the lasting change in others and yourself that you want.
What is ground zero? Ground zero is fully accepting the present conditions.
You have to start at a foundation of accepting who and what you are today, right now, the dark and light, the health and sickness, the “bad” and “good” parts of you (and others) today. You have to move into LOVE for all that you are, all that they are in the here and now. Once this shifts and you love the present duality of yourself and others, you can then move into a space of improving. This applies to any change in general but really:
We really can only improve ourselves. Others are not our concern. Your job is to apply the ground zero principal and accept everyone for who and what they are right now. It is not your job to change them UNLESS they ask for assistance and advice. Now we move into talking about creating lasting change for ourselves, and becoming the best version of ourselves.
There are two sides to this coin:
- You choose to change for others, for what is “acceptable” or “right” or to make them happy.
- You want to change for you and improve as a person.
I am a firm believer that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks 🙂
For number 1: if you choose to change or be something for someone else:
First, you will never be the person you want to be. You will never be the person who you are meant to be. Which means, you will not do the things you were sent here to do, the purposes for which you were sent, the reasons for which you were created.
Second, you may be able to make those changes for a long time, but you never come to find yourself and that means you will never experience a fullness joy in your life. A fulness of joy comes only when you are your true authentic self. Changing for others only delays you in fulfilling what you are meant to do, and who you are meant to be.
In this scenario, you are beating yourself into submission and trying to be something you are not. Which stated in the beginning… will not create a lasting change.
For number 2: choosing to change and improve as a person for yourself
After you have gone through the journey of ground zero- and in my experience this has taken me several years. It will be different for each person, or for some they are born this way and do not have to do much work in this area. We can then move on to change the things we want to improve about ourselves. Write down a list of things you would like to work on and improve, and then start with ONLY the top one. Work on just this one until it shifts and then move to the next.
This process is a journey
If you skip the step of starting at “ground zero” then you are simply beating yourself up. You will get frustrated and more angry that the changes are not happening and then beat yourself up some more. You get frustrated that you are wasting your time and trying everything and seeing no results. The same goes for weight loss. I do not believe in the concept of weight loss. I believe in being “Happy, healthy and whole” weight is relative depending on what is best for each person. Strive to be the healthiest version of yourself and your weight will follow on its own. Again, you have to start with loving yourself in the now, weight, health and all.
Get rid of the masks
When you choose to improve for yourself, you shift into this space of not caring what others think about you. Now you are not changing for anyone else, you love and accept yourself for who you are and you know you are on a journey to find the best version of yourself. This is a very freeing process. The freedom that comes from just that shift is worth it. Get rid of your masks and:
Just be you! Allow yourself to be free of the masks and being different with different people. Do not make changes for others or what others want. Here is a major plus that happens when you do this. What I have found is that this actually improves all of your relationships.
I have found one of three things will happen in your relationships:
- For the people you want to keep around, they will love you for who you are because they are in the mindset of “ground zero” as well. They will stick around and accept and love you for who and what you are and want to be. They will love you through the changes.
- Those who do not accept you will leave and shift on their own with out you having to do anything. They just wont come around any more, they wont call anymore.
- The people will shift and they will start to improve as well. You you have an affect on them and they will start to match your energy. They will go through changes as well all with out any conversation or you doing anything. This will greatly improve the relationship.
So either they accept, they leave or they change. And all of this happens with out you doing anything. All you are doing is deciding to be yourself, and make the changes for yourself after first accepting and loving the present. In this journey you will be tested, you will be tested to see if the changes you are making are really what you want. Old habits will try and rear their heads, experiences will keep coming up, until finally it is done. What I have found is that in learning to accept myself, I also accept others. I also have learned to stand up for myself and the changes I want.
Living this way improves relationships
I have found a deeper way to care and love for people. By starting my journey at ground zero, I have been able to find a fuller way to love, to serve, and heal. Charity must be applied to self first in order to be fully applied to the world around us.
It is true you can not hate yourself and love others. Have you ever asked yourself “Do I love myself? Do I love everything about myself?” If your answer is No, then you have a journey to start. You are who you are for a reason, the dark and the light, the strength and the weaknesses. We are duality beings and everything serves a purpose. Everyone has darkness and if you can not accept yours, how will you accept others? Judgement, irritation, and anger all come into play here. Your most rewarding and fullest relationships will be when you have fully accepted yourself and them.