There are lots of reasons of why couples had separate beds and then why it changed to sharing the same space. One of the factors for separate sleeping was cleanliness and stopping the spread of disease. With the depression it was the lack of money and space being tight, you made do with what you had. After WWII around 1960 it was about fashion and the twin beds were shifted away from. From 1850- 1950 couples slept in separate beds, and then a programming entered in of being seen as “a failing union”. What if– none of these are factors now?
Here are my reasons and how I finally made the shift to separate beds:
Really this all happened in phases. We moved about every 6 months when we first got married, and for functional reasons of moving it never crossed my mind as an option. First phase was getting separate blankets. Ugh. I cant believe I did not do this earlier, I cant imagine how much sleep I lost in the last 2 decades. Why? Because he rolls. Like a burrito at night, taking all the covers with him and I am left shivering and fighting for them back alllllllll night. For years. Having 2 sets of blankets stopped this and I did it for a while.
This also helped the other issue of temperate. Which we are opposite. He sleeps cold and I sleep hot, now we both had what we needed.
That did not help the other issues:
- He snores and twitches. Actually I would say he purrs and sputters. Either way so annoying right in my ear. For this I went through trying so so so many different kinds of ear plugs. I found some that worked and have worn ear plugs every night for years, it helped but not completely especially when he is more exhausted it will go on for hours. And these did NOT help the twitching. Have I maybe been choked out while he acted out his dream of wrestling? Or been punched by a jerk of his arm while he was dreaming of playing basketball? Yes to all and more above.
- We keep opposite hours. I go to bed early and sleep in. He fights going to bed like a 5 year old and wakes up early for sports. But also with this reason #2 is his work schedule. As a pilot, they come and go and crazy hours and then deal with jet lag when they get back, he sleep is not on a routine at all, and this will be till retirement. (This is why phase three will consist of separate bathrooms).
- THE PHONE. Her name is Bertha. And he loooooves to sit in bed all night with Bertha. I do not know what it is but I can not sleep with the phone in the bed. So if I am trying to fall asleep it just does not happen while he is on his phone. I can feel the energy of the phone, when he is on it and when it is off and I just can not fall asleep. (It is recommended to sleep at least 6ft away from your phone at night.)
Okay, with all of this, I ask you: Why? If sleep is the point, then why am I keeping myself miserable? Sleep we know is a must for good health and to be a sane, nice human. If I am not moving anymore, money and space are not an issue, and the relationship is not a “failing union” then why would I not do what is needed so I can show up and be a rested mother, wife, business owner, and healer? Check out these numbers=> The average person spends about 26 years sleeping in their life which equates to 9,490 days or 227,760 hours. That’s one third of our entire lives spent asleep in bed! Well…. thats not my number so far nor will it be sharing a bed.
Enter Phase two: Separate beds.
Oh. my. life. changed. Having separate beds crossed off so many reasons keeping me from a good sleep. This shift happened about 4 years ago when we needed a new bed. We had gone from a queen bed for 12 yrs (why?) to a king (this did help somewhat and should have started here) and now we needed a new bed. So I measured and found I could fit 2 queen beds with a night stand in the middle. Upgrade!! I mean, in the 1850s it was 2 twin beds… I needed to avoid that “out of fashion” set up.
For real, I have then spent the last several years healing my nervous system and getting better sleep and it has done wonders. He sleeps better too, I hated shaking the bed or kicking (ok nudging) him to stop snoring. He can stay on his phone as long as he wants. Come and go without waking me, and roll like a burrito. And I can switch sides as much as I need with out moving the bed.
Let me just talk energetics here for a bit- you do share and pick up energy while you sleep. This being your most vulnerable state, you will pick up a lot from your partner and have to process be affected by what they got going on. This probably effects the empaths more but let me just put this quote here:
“Ideally, sleep in a separate bed, especially when ill. The aura of one person is likely to interfere with that of another, to the detriment of one person or the other. Tonate in a separate bed for the same reason.”Dinshah P. Ghadiali, Let There Be Light- Spectro-Chrome Therapy System.
Let me put some positive reasons here for your consideration
Wether you have separate beds or separate rooms, this creates more of a dating atmosphere in your relationship, where you start to invite each other to each other’s room, have sleepovers, make it whatever you want- creating more of a invitation and having to put forth more of a thought to be together. On the other hand also having time and space away from each other to where you are not around the person all day long and sleeping with them. Of course every situation and work set up is different.
Having my own room creates a sacred space that is for you as an individual, a space that can be a sacred space for you to grow and build as an individual. To do your thing and start integrating and adding things that you need to do for you and your life. My bed is a sanctuary and I want to get rest so I can function for all my people.
I also was able to get white sheets– finally. He turns everything yellow :/ Now you can choose your own color and your own bedding needed for your energetics.
But let’s address the elephant in the room:
I know, I know where your thoughts go to. A lot of people go right to the thought of “what about sex? Now you are damaging your sex life by not sharing a bed.” So let’s address this 1950’s programming… why? Why would that part change because you are not sleeping in the same bed? But really, sleeping together has nothing to do with sex at all. It has to do with the fact of if you sleep well or not. If that part is not changing then why not do what you need for you to get a better sleep?
Look to each their own. I know lots of couples who do not sleep well apart and love to be cuddled all night long and that is great! Every person is different and thus the environment is blended different based off of what they deal with. And I do not judge or say this is wrong, I think its great. I am simply putting this out there as it is becoming more and more common. People are starting questioning this norm from the 1950’s. I also have people asking me personally, so I put it all here. And if people are making this change we have to STOP going right to the thought: “oh, it must be from their failing union” or “well, there goes their sex life”. Let us fight nonsense programming together LOL.
*disclosure: Even if none of my reasons existed above, I would get separate beds or rooms just to fight the norm we have made for ourselves since 1950, and have fun maybe freaking some people out.