I found this article several years ago and there were so many things that rang true to me. I want to be able to look back on it and so I am posting it as a guest post here. Several things that stuck out to me at the time about love is that there are several “layers” or “levels” of love. Love, lust, pure love, like, compassion, empathy… and all applied to different people and seasons in our lives. There are things we do and we call it “love” but it is actually far from love. Love is an expression of the willingness to create space in which something is allowed to change. Reading this article takes a healthy dose of courage and humility. This quote may sum it up:
You may be aware of some of these already, but for the rest, I’m willing to be the blunt bastard that tells them to you. You may hate me today, but you’ll thank me tomorrow. – Mark DeNicola
I am a Sagittarius after all, and these things to need to be said and known. So here it is, you can also find the article HERE.
“That love that knows no bounds…. I’ve never regretted giving into love… Giving into love has always provided me with the most exciting experiences I have known in my lifetime…”
There is something to be said for this thing called love. This thing that we experience that turns our world upside down and causes us to do things we never thought we were capable of. This thing that changes us inside and out. Reframes our perspectives and causes us to see things in a whole new light. This thing that inspires us to break our own rules. To see things from another person’s point of view and to reach heights of empathetic understandings that we have never reached before. To evolve in ways we never could previously comprehend and to come to see ourselves and others in a whole new way.
It’s the best gift ever. But for many reasons, we are deathly afraid of it! Afraid of being vulnerable. Afraid of being rejected. Afraid of loving and losing. Afraid for reasons we don’t even dig deep enough to understand. The human race has given love all sorts of attachments and definitions that just don’t belong.
We have made love crazy, painful, dangerous, irrational, illogical, impractical and irresponsible. Love is actually the opposite. Love is the most logical thing one can do. But we often make the mistake of thinking that when you love someone, that love calls you to become their doormat at some point. Now, that is far from the truth. Let’s get it straight. At no point in time does love mean being a doormat or doing anything that does not serve you in order to put the best interests of another above your own. That is never my teaching and never the teaching of any spiritual teacher who knows what they are talking about.
Now here it is:
There is never a time when love will require you to take an action towards another, that is not also a self-loving action. True love expressed towards another will simultaneously be an act of love unto the self.
Otherwise, it is not love. It is something else. Then, it becomes action rooted in pain, guilt, fear or obligation. None of those things are love. We have attached many of these concepts to love, but don’t get it twisted, love is love and nothing else. It’s that simple. You have to examine the root cause of your intention in order to know if you are acting in love. Love does not act out of motivation to gain or for fear of losing, love simply acts out of courage to follow the inspiration of love. Whatever that may be.
If I love you and I want to act out of love for you, but I hold myself back in some way because I am afraid of you knowing it. I am afraid of losing you or freaking you out, of being vulnerable, or of the possibility of rejection, then, I am acting out of fear. Not love. This is when love becomes difficult and uncomfortable. When we screw with it, hide it, try to make it something else, try to contain it, pace it, regulate it, and put it in a box with a pretty bow for the sake of appearances.
We fuck with love all of the time… And then we say that love is the problem? Ha!
Most of us are cowards
Most of us see weakness in love, instead of strength. Most of us see vulnerability as a problem, an issue, as something that would be better to avoid. Only a coward would come to this conclusion! Because it is an act of cowardice to need validation from an outside source. From a source that is outside of yourself, and that is what we are messing up this love thing with. The need for others to react to us in a certain way or to view us in a certain way. What would happen if you loved yourself enough to just be yourself, whoever the fuck you are, not worrying about or needing any outside validation? You would be authentic. You would have the courage to follow your joy. You would be actually LIVING instead of holding back on life and love.
Ultimately, you would have a much better chance overall, in achieving fulfillment, because the people who are going to matter to you are going to love you for who you are and they are going to have great appreciation for your courage to be authentically you. This is something that is just not common enough among humans in general. The ability to love one’s self enough to give the self permission to just be who you are at your core. Permission to live authentically. That is freedom. Freedom is love.
Love begins with the self
With self- realization and self love. Only a person who truly loves themselves can demonstrate what it truly means to love another. Love does not require you to do anything for another person that is not good for you or that you do not want to do. This is where the self love comes in. When we value ourselves, and give ourselves permission to be ourselves, we will be able to understand that we are not responsible for the way that another person feels about themselves. This understanding is what allows you to make healthy decisions for yourself. You are not responsible for the way that another person feels or for their reaction to you. When you love yourself enough, you will not be manipulated into staying with someone for the wrong reasons or into doing something that you do not want to do and calling it love. Love doesn’t do that. Here is what love does…
Love follows the path of most joy.
Love is authentic, and therefore…
Love is courageous, daring, honest, open and expressive.
Because love is authentic, love is freedom. Freedom is love.
Love does not know any other way but to be itself.
On a level that most people are not even aware enough to ponder, there is an illusion. An illusion that we readily accept as a truth. The illusion of rejection. That rejection is a possibility. This is only an illusion, a perspective. I will tell you why… Yes, a person outside of yourself could “reject” you or not accept you as you authentically are. We have all had these experiences. But, it’s an experience, it’s how you feel about it that matters. How you feel about it or react to it is what shapes the experience for you.
Have you ever been “rejected” by someone you truly did not care about? Someone you didn’t feel you needed even a microcosm of acceptance from? How did that feel? Did it even feel like rejection? Did it feel like anything at all? Did you even give it any thought? Probably not. We have all had these experiences. Let’s get to the root of it. You can only be rejected when you feel that you can be rejected. At some level, we put more credence in certain other people than in ourselves.
Caring about what other people think
We hold the opinions of certain other people as weighty and valuable and worthy. We compare ourselves to others and when we find someone who we think is “worthy” smart, cool or valuable, suddenly we feel like their acceptance of us carries weight. As if their opinion has anything to do with our level of value, worth, intelligence or coolness. At some level, at some point, we hold the opinions of others, or their perspective about us as more valuable than our own.
This happens on small levels, it happens on larger levels, it happens all the time and with everyone. There is really no exception. It is part of the human condition. It’s something that we battle with for all of our lives because it is part of the fabrication of this thing we call ego. And, we all have ego. I may be writing this article, but I see these things in myself. I exhibit them as well. Even knowing all of this, I am still subject to all that is part of the human condition. I am saying this because there is a very important point to be made here….
I am pointing out my own vulnerabilities to you so that you may do the same for yourself. There is no one who is reading this who can proclaim exemption from the human condition. The only difference in being aware is that you can see when the feelings come up, what they are and what the true intentions are behind your thoughts, words and actions. With awareness to all of that, there is more leeway, more ability to deliberately choose which path you will take in any given situation.
When I feel the urge to do something and I am aware enough to see if it arose from fear. I can stop, examine it and make a new choice. This only comes with awareness, ownership and self-love. We are all human, but we can shift from 3rd dimensional ways of thinking and being and into 4th and 5th dimensional levels of thinking and acting, on a moment to moment basis.
Love is really not so complicated
If you eliminate the idea of love meaning that you can’t put yourself first and love another at the same time, and if you eliminate the idea of needing any type of validation, acceptance or reaction from another, then we can begin to see love in perspective. For what it truly is. Love is freedom. So, are you loving freely? Are you holding yourself back? Are you acting out of fear? Or are you acting out of freedom and love? Are you being totally authentic? Have you done the work to figure out what that means? Fears, preconceived ideas and obligations aside…
Humans are reluctant to love. We are reluctant to give in and to express ourselves from the core of our being. But to be authentic is such a gift. Authentic expression is such a satisfying experience. It’s one thing to have an experience and to keep it bottled up. It’s another thing to be able to express yourself authentically and to know that you are understood.
To see eye to eye with another. It’s a great gift, one of the best. But you can’t get there when you have reservations about it. You can’t get there if you won’t allow yourself. You can’t get there if you are ruled by fear. There are many people out there who are ruled by far and don’t even know it. Let me clear something up for you… If you don’t know what it’s like to love with all your heart; To love fully, passionately and uncontrollably; To fall in love, then you are ruled by fear. Something is holding you back, because everyone has the capacity to love, you’ve just chosen not to go there. To slow the process. To be extra cautious. Am I saying that it’s ok to throw caution to the wind when it comes to love?
YES. Let me tell you why…
Love isn’t without reason. Love always has great reason. If you love someone, there is a reason for it. To deny yourself of experiencing that is to deny yourself. There is always a lesson to be learned and that is what love is about. You gotta learn to follow your heart. Let yourself. Allow yourself. Go with it. Follow your heart…
Don’t put love in a box. Sometimes, the reason for loving someone isn’t what we think it is. It isn’t always so that reunification can occur and we can be together with them in the end. You have to remember this when it comes to your Twin Flame. It isn’t always so that we can learn to mesh and be unconditional. Unconditional doesn’t mean forever loving someone else, even to our own detriment. There’s a balance happening here.
Sometimes we learn unconditional love, as far as learning to transcend a situation while residing within it and sometimes we are learning unconditional love by moving on. Transformation is continual. When the lesson is over, the overtaking feeling of love will be gone too. Love will not stay for no reason. So, the best way to move forward without wasting time and to get through your lessons quickly is to give into the love that you feel without holding back. With no reservations. Go into it.
That which you are drawn to and interpret as a feeling of love, joy, passion, and excitement, these things are all good for you because this is the way that the body interprets things that are representative of you.
Your core essence
This is why following your heart is so key. You will be drawn to that which is good for you in one way or another.
If you want to know the truth, dive in head first. If you want to know how someone feels about you, let them know who you are. Let them know your truth. There are only two possible outcomes. Either that they will feel the same way and your relationship will explode into deeper, more passionate, more blissful, harmonious levels, or they won’t feel the same way that you do. There’s no black or white. Anything can happen. maybe they will catch up with you. Maybe you’ll have to deal with certain levels of rejection and try to overcome that on smaller levels. Maybe you’ll have to deal with it on a larger scale. Maybe you won’t have to deal with it at all.
One thing is for sure. Once you learn the lesson, you move on from it and onto different people, different circumstances and different lessons. So, get through it. Don’t hold back, because you are just holding out on your lesson. let yourself fall. Let yourself be authentic. Imagine two people coming together who are authentically into each other, authentically in love and authentically expressive about it. That’s what you want. You can’t have that if you never get there, yourself. Give yourself some slack. Give yourself some room to love. I love you so much. There is no end to my love for you. I will keep believing in you, even when there is no reason to, because I choose to see you through the eyes of love. I will keep being honest with you, even when it may be difficult to do because I honor you.